Surfer Sean: Learning to Ride Life’s Waves
Discovering calm, curiosity, and balance amidst life’s waves
Life was rushing past me, yet I was caught in a swirling storm of thoughts and feelings, constantly moving, never still. I longed to slow down, to be present, to ride life instead of being swept away. That is when I discovered Surfer Sean, the part of me who could finally embrace calm, curiosity, and balance.
The Chaos Within
Despite growing up just a short drive from the ocean, I never surfed. It was simply not something that I had ever done or considered. As an adult, I found myself thinking a lot about surfing, particularly the mentality of a surfer: the calm patience, the readiness for change, and the ability to embrace life’s waves without constant control. It felt like a way of being that I deeply longed for but had not yet learned how to access.
As a child, I did not have these skills. I struggled to remain calm, respond to life’s changes with ease, and tolerate uncertainty, the very qualities I later came to associate with the surfer mindset. By adulthood, I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, PTSD, and Social Anxiety. Recognizing and putting language to what I had been feeling brought a strange sense of relief. I understood that my constant inner chaos wasn’t my fault. It was my body and mind trying to survive with the tools I had.
Childhood Lessons in Self-Regulation
Growing up, I was highly sensitive and overweight, which made me a target for bullying. Thankfully, there were moments and spaces where I felt seen and valued, brief pockets that offered some relief from the stress I carried at home and school.
Life at home could be complicated at times. My parents had their own struggles, and while they loved me, they couldn’t consistently meet my emotional needs. My mom’s ongoing personal challenges and early stress made me hyper-aware of her feelings, so as a child I often took on the role of caretaker, handling responsibilities beyond my age. In trying to protect her, I learned to suppress my own needs and emotions. This pattern followed me into adulthood, shaping my anxiety and low self-worth.
Work as Escape
By the time I was an adult, I was deeply caught up in the swirl of thoughts and feelings inside me. I threw myself into work, supervising two medical therapy clinics and serving as a course coordinator in a doctoral physical therapy program, as a way to escape the constant chaos. Work became a form of dissociation, a way to feel productive while avoiding the inner storm.
The Psychologist and the Two No’s
I didn’t receive mental health support until my mid-30s, when I began working with my psychologist. During one session, I shared that I wanted to feel and think like a surfer, calm, present, and grounded. What I was really seeking was a way to escape the life I was living, where my mind was always racing and I overextended myself with work and responsibilities, trying to outrun the constant internal swirl. My psychologist looked at me and said plainly, “You’re not going to be a surfer.”
A few months later, I revisited the idea, hoping for a different answer. Her response was the same. I felt trapped, unsure if change was even possible. Life was rushing past, and I was trapped in the swirling storm of my own thoughts.
Enter the Life Coach and the Buzziness
After my psychologist went on maternity leave, I decided to work with a life coach. On my second session, she noticed something about me: a restless, frenetic energy I had long carried but hadn’t named. She asked, “What’s that buzziness inside you?” I told her, “Thank you for noticing. That is exactly how I feel on the inside.” Later, I would understand this buzziness as anxiety, but in that moment, it was the first time someone saw it with such clarity.
Through our work, I explored the idea of different personas within myself, ways I could express parts of me that had long been suppressed. Within me lived a surfer, a version of me who could relax, let go of constant control, and embrace life’s flow. She suggested I meet him and see what he could teach me. That is when Surfer Sean was born.
Embodying the Surfer Life
To bring Surfer Sean to life, I started with small but meaningful changes. I traded preppy athletic gear for board shorts, short-sleeve button-ups, flip-flops, and puka shell bracelets. I scaled back my work obligations and allowed myself to slow down, savoring mornings on the couch with coffee, binge-watching shows without guilt, and embracing rest as essential rather than indulgent.
I even noticed small things shift. The throw pillows on the couch no longer had to be perfectly arranged. They could land wherever they wanted. Something as simple as pillows no longer needing my attention reminded me that I didn’t have to control every little thing in life.
I also no longer carried the role of caretaker. I learned to honor my own needs and emotions, allowing myself to slow down, set boundaries, and show up fully without suppressing or overextending for others. For the first time, I felt a sense of freedom in taking care of myself as much as I did for anyone else, and it positively shaped my friendships and romantic relationships.
The more I embodied Surfer Sean, the more calm, confident, and approachable I became. People noticed the shift, and I even tried surfing a few times, not to master the sport, but to experience the mindset firsthand. I wasn’t naturally skilled on the board, but I was becoming a natural at living like a surfer.
Riding the Big Waves
Surfer Sean isn’t just a persona. He is me. I’ve learned to slow down, embrace life fully, and face challenges with calm and curiosity. I’ve conquered some huge waves, managing anxiety in relationships, reclaiming my time and energy, and learning to enjoy life without constant pressure to perform.
Of course, there are still waves to navigate, both small and large, but now I ride them with confidence, curiosity, and a sense of joy that I never thought possible. Surfer Sean reminds me that I can meet life head-on and still stay balanced, present, and grounded.
